Flight of the HummingBird

"Miss Representation": Official Trailer

2011-10-27T14:46:00.000-07:00

This is a video done by Jennifer Siebel Newsom about how the media is portraying woman and how it is dramatically affecting our society. PLEASE visit the website... www.missrepresentation.org

Green Smoothies

2011-07-22T20:13:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this brilliant woman named Robyn a few months ago...aka, the green smoothie girl. She is committed to living and teaching good health and is most famous for her green smoothies. My first attempt at a green smoothie was a few weeks ago and turned out very, very badly. I was trying to make them in a little cup-sized blender and messed up the portions of each ingredient I was suppose to add. Well a week ago I finally got motivated to try again....and it worked!! I can honestly say I've been drinking a quart of green smoothie every day and enjoying it. They taste good and are EXTREMELY healthy. I encourage anyone and everyone who is searching for methods to better health to give green smoothies a go, or at least to check out Robyn's website or blog. Drinking green smoothies clean out your system, assist weight loss, help eliminate/prevent numerous health problems, boost energy and are a simple and quick way to get your veggies!

Here is a recipe for first-time green smoothie makers that is similar to Robyn's. If you want to purchase her complete '12 Steps to Whole Food' booklet, you can find it on her website. It is pretty pricey but if you purchase the downloadable version it is only $49 and very worth the cost if you are committed to your health! It's more cheep then going to the doctor.

Easy First-Timer Green Smoothie Recipe

1¾ C water or juice (I use juice...%100 percent of course)
1 Tbsp. honey
1 10-oz. bag spinach (it looks like a ton, and it is, but it shrinks in the blender)
1 banana

2 C frozen mixed berries

1 peach, pear, apple, or orange

Blend all until very smooth. Pour in glasses and enjoy, or refrigerate for up to 48 hours. Makes about 3 pints. With the frozen berries it actually ends up looking purple which is much more appetizing then green. I've also experimented with collard greens, purple lettuce, romaine lettuce, and kale. Spinach blends the best (gets really smooth) in my blender. The others tend to make the smoothie kind of chunky. It doesn't bother me but might not be appealing to those of more finicky tastes. Don't give up if it doesn't work the first time! I've given mine to friends and siblings without mentioning the ingredients, and they down them just like my all-fruit smoothies.

The Beautiful Mess of a Child

2011-07-07T13:41:00.000-07:00

"I brought children into this dark world because it needed the light that only a child could bring."

~Liz Ambruster

Walking into my room last night, I was greeted by a floor full of scattered crayons and a dozen white papers with the scribbles of my best 2-year-old friend, Eden. She'd spent most of the afternoon at my house, coloring and chasing around my 14-year-old brother and his friend. I've been Eden's nanny since she was an infant, and oh how her endearing smile and personality have brightened my life.

Instead of picking up the crayons and throwing away the pictures, I found myself stepping over them, a warm feeling swelling in my heart. In fact they are still on my floor today as I write this. As Eden has taught me about the wonders of childhood, I've learned to let go of stress and the imperfections of youth a bit more. I don't flip when I turn around in the car and she is yanking everything out of my wallet. I don't mind when she spalshes nail polish over my whole foot. I let her dig up as many worms as her little heart desires. I try to slow down and go her pace through the mall so she can walk on her own. I find a mess of crayons on the floor a pleasant reminder of the child playing there, verses another mess to clean up.

Don't grow up too fast, little girl.

Lonely

2011-07-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

"The most terrible poverty is that of loneliness."

Hold on...where is the independent Jenna I always thought I was? Where's the Jenna that doesn't need anyone else? Where is the Jenna who will live a perfectly happy and fulfilled life while waiting for her prince to find her?

The truth is unveiled: That Jenna never existed.

It would seem I am not the type that is capable of being completely happy on my own. Because wow, people....I AM LONELY. Not the type of lonely that just anyone can cure, either. But the type of lonely that only that certain someone can remedy. Well, my dear prince, wherever you may be...I am excited to meet you. Perhaps I already know you. But I am excited to meet you. I am excited to make this a family blog where I can write about all of our adventures and post our adorable pictures. I'm sure you are off doing amazing things for the world, and that you are quite busy becoming the type of man you were sent here to be.

I do wonder if you ever think of me as I do of you...

Until God leads us into each others lives...I will do my best to make this time count. I'll try my hardest to let God mold me into the type of woman you need by your side. Sometimes the process is painful; growing usually is, but it is worth it for you. Hold on for me. You know, somehow, I already love you.

Don't wait too long to find me, okay?

Our Ability to Change

2011-03-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

"Growth is the only evidence of life." ~John Henry Newman

I have been spending a good deal of time reading lately, and it feels like my mind is expanding and discovering truths that it's never grasped before. I know God has guided me to certain understandings, especially this past week. Through study of the scriptures, and curiously through a novel I was reading, he opened my mind and heart to comprehend better the ability for people to change and progress. It was profound and my description can't do it justice. But so often people are locked in the minds of others as essentially unchanging. But we are not built to remain in one state! The determined soul is capable of becoming whatever he sets his mind to become, most especially with the help of God and his grace, and often with the help of true friends. Repentance and forgiveness are tools to perfection, and gifts from a loving Father to his offspring.

Anyone with a lofty goal is bound to have failures and setbacks, but aren't those what make us stronger and better in the long run? Anyway that is just a little of what I feel about this concept, but it has really helped me to release and let go of worries and problems in the past, and helped me feel more apt to forgiveness. People can change. I believe almost everyone wants to be better. We must not hold them back by holding onto old images of who we think they are.

Each butterfly you see did not start out so beautiful.

"If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be."
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

One last thought: Some of the most revered men of the scriptures made some awful decisions growing up. I try to think about this whenever I am tempted to doubt someone. Alma the younger and the sons of Mosiah sought to destroy the church...(Mosiah 27) and yet they became some of the greatest missionaries in history and changed the lives of thousands.

Matthew West - More

2011-03-09T22:06:00.000-08:00

The is 'More' by Matthew West. When I first saw it I thought it was just a love song...but I was surprised and touched to listen and realize it was a very special type of love song...please listen and watch if you have time! It's beautiful.

Who Are We Living For

2011-02-13T17:48:00.000-08:00

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
And it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end it is between you and God.
It never was between you and them anyway.
-Mother Theresa of Calcutta

Today after church I was laying on my bed wanting to fall into a nice blissful nap and hopefully awake to find all my worries and concerns gone. Well, I was never able to even fall asleep. So I was laying there feeling rather bitter and quite horribly pessimistic about life, when I glanced at a picture of Christ on my wall. It was then the thought popped into my head:

You should read the scriptures.

I was like:

Mrg.

God was like:

No, really. You should read your scriptures.

I was like:

Maybe that's a nice idea...maybe this is just my head (and not God) thinking up good things to occupy my time with...

God was like:

Not likely.

I was like:

But...but....I'm lazy...mrg...

God was like:

.....and?

I was like:

...I should read my scriptures.

Somehow amidst all my pessimism God managed to pull me out of my bed and onto my knees, and then into the scriptures. I am ever so grateful for His patience with me. He is such an incredible father. I was able to find beautiful peace and a calm spirit as I read, and also an invigoration for the gospel and its role in my life. One of the moments that really stuck out to me was when I was in Doctrine and Covenants 20:5-6

"After it was truly manifested unto this first elder (Joseph Smith) that he had received a remission of his sins, he was entangled again in the vanities of the world; But after repenting, and humbling himself sincerely, through faith, God ministered unto him by an holy angel..."

What's this? Joseph Smith making some kind of mistake worth mentioning in this way? I was rather intrigued, and upon looking in the footnotes for further information, I was directing to Joseph Smith History chapter 1, verse 28:

"During the space of time which intervened between the time I had the vision and the year 1823--having been forbidden to join any of the religious sects of the day, and being of very tender years, and persecuted by those who ought to have been my friends and to have treated me kindly, and if they supposed me to be deluded to have endeavored in a proper and affectionate manner to have reclaimed me--I was left to all kinds of temptations; and mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great malignant sins. A disposition to commit such was never in my nature. But I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God as I had been. But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament."

I was touched by this verse, and felt admiration for this man. What an incredible writer, and a beautiful soul. He goes on to say in verse 29:

" In consequence of these things, I often felt condemned for my weakness and imperfections;..."

My heart lifted with a rise of sympathy, and wonder, that this great man felt somewhat the same as I! Next in the same verse he recounts the night Moroni appeared to him three different times. I can't quite explain how this makes me feel, but it restored a certain hope into my soul and mind that I AM OK. Yes, I am full of imperfections and weaknesses, but I want to be good. I am trying to be good. God understands, and waits with arms outstretched to embrace me. He will raise me up beyond what I can be on my own, as long as I endure and turn to Him in faith.

After I felt somewhat satisfied with my study, I dropped again to my knees to pray for some desperately needed wisdom. Some matters in my life are simple beyond my capacity to figure out, and I felt that decisions needed to be made, but I was hesitant to make them. Do you ever have those things you think about, but you wander through the thought process like it was a mine field littered with doubts and fears or scary possibilities that you try not to touch? It can be quite exhausting and often unproductive.

I went outside to breath some fresh air and ponder. I realized that a lot of the emotions I was dealing with that tied me down or clouded my soul, weren't even coming from me. They were coming from other people. A major portion of my stress was being fueled by someone else's worries, someone else's opinion, someone else's anger, etc. I didn't need to hold onto all of that. Because, as Mother Theresa said, it isn't between me and them. I may find worth in the wisdom of others, when God leads me to it, but beyond that, I only need worry about how He feels for me and my life. His perspective is pure and backed by His infinite love for me, and His desire for my success.

Clearing all the other voices from my head left me feeling MUCH lighter, and in turn, much happier. I could hardly believe the blessed relief it brought once I quieted my mind and focused only on myself and my God. I hope it is a lesson I never forget.

Bliss List

2010-09-15T12:31:00.001-07:00

Bliss List(Things that...%99.9 guarenteed...always make me happy)

Hug from a loved one
Porch swings
Frozen Yogurt
Baby animals
Walking barefoot in soft grass
Seeing the stars
Hot chocolate
Back rubs
Listening to someone playing guitar
Listening to someone I love singing
Horses
Hummingbirds
Receiving flowers
Car sunroof's
Riding motorcycles/scooters
Riding a waverunner
Riding in the front of a fast motor boat
Someone playing with my hair
Smoothies
Flying in an airplane
Seeing cute couples
Street-dancers
Saxaphone
Water fountains
Trains
Being outside in the morning
Warm sunshine
Pouring rainshowers
Climbing trees
Running on impulse
Roller coasters
Castles
Dancing with my man
Making someone laugh
Driving through puddles
Seeing deer
Seeing buffalos
Shooting stars
Blowing dandylions
Blowing bubbles
Huge bean bags
Frisbee
Chess
Fresh Fruit

Well there is a good starter list anyway. :)

Summer of Weddings

2010-08-11T09:52:00.001-07:00

"Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving."

~Kehlil Gibran

"Love is the only sane and satifactory answer to the problem of human existence."

So it's finally happened. Trevor and Melia were married yesterday morning at the Jordan River Temple for time and all eternity. When they walked out the front doors, both of them were beaming. I haven't been through the temple yet so I was unable to attend the ceremony, but I was close to them throughout the rest of the day, and everything went just beautifully. The weather was hot and sunny with a cool breeze and all the food was divine.

I've had quite a few friends get married or engaged this summer. It seems to be the summer of weddings! So far I'm loving it although it does cause a slight pang of lonliness at times. I am so excited to get married. But I have a couple years left of single life yet to be lived.

My aunt and uncle were the photographers for Trevor's wedding. I would love to do that someday with my hubby. It can be a small family business on the side of whatever else we do.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what happy marriages are made of. I think in the core of each one there is a foundation of friendship and trust that is carved in stone. Romance and all the other factors of a relationship form layers around that core. I think another important element in a happy marriage is willingness to forgive. True forgiveness heals and strengthens and draws people closer together. I love watching children play because most of the time they don't hold a grudge for longer then a few moments, and they are so quick to forgive.

I don't claim to know much about love and marriage and how to find success...but I am trying to learn everything I can so that I might be the best possible companion for someone in my future.

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."

~Barnett Brickner

"In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all."

~Anne Swetchine

Owl City - Vanilla Twilight

2010-08-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

You have to watch this with the pictures...adorable. Especially if you're waiting for a boy out there somewhere...

SDNEIRF

2010-07-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

Aren't friends just wonderful? Especially those ones whom you know will be the same after long times apart, waiting to pick things back off right where you left them. My brother came home last night and said he'd seen my buddy Gordon at the grocery store...the Gordon who has been gone working in Idaho since before I got back from Ukraine. I was so excited! He let me come over today around noon and we had some catch up time. Felt just like the old days. Friends are beautiful I can't even express how much I appreciate them.

Sadly I can't find any pictures of him and I on this computer. And since my camera got stollen in Ukraine....the LAST week I was there....it's been a bit tricky documenting my life on film. But I am starting to make money at my new job so maybe a camera will come up on the wishlist soon...

I am so excited to find out what other fabulous people I will meet.

"Life is a shipwreck...but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." -Albert Schweitzer

Thus is life...or is it?

2010-07-26T23:05:00.001-07:00

"Nobody can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

"If you live life by the books you'll never make history."

If there is one thing I've learned about my life, it is that my life's destiny is not to be prediscovered or mapped out. It would seem that although I set off confidently in one direction with complete determination that I'll make it to the end of a road...I've aquired this rather bad tendency of detours. And, as anyone who knows my mind well enough will tell you, I usually don't find my way back once I detour.

So here I am sitting back in America after a splendid adventure in the Ukraine, trying to peer into what the future holds for me. I was planning on leaving for Moscow in August...but 'fate' has lead me elsewhere. I am doing really well at my new job as a financial planner with Primeria. In fact last week I passed the huge nasty test that will get me a paper saying I'm officially licenced to be doing what I'm doing. Woopdeedo! If all goes well I should be making bank within the next few months, which will open doors for all kinds of possibilities. By the way if anyone ever needs a job I can so hook you up if you give me a shout.

Current major focuses:

*Spiritual development and knowledge

*My family

*MUSIC

*Work

*Organizing my home base (cleaning my room...)

*Eden

*Dancing

*Physical well-being

*Mental well-being

Possibilities for the next few months:

*Ice hockey!

*Volunteering at Courage Reins

*Volunteering at a domestic violence shelter

*Taking Macgyver to hospitals for thereputic work with patients

*Road trip to St. George to see Tarzan the musical

*Road trip to Nauvoo

*Building houses in Mexico

Possibilities for January and onward:

*BYU

*Saudi Arabia (my aunt&uncle live there and I could go teach in a school for a few months and live with them. This is a MAJOR possibility I am VERY interested in pursuing.)

*Africa...

*Equador

*EFY couselor during the summer

*California to take horse lessons with Monty Roberts (the horse whisperer)

The future is exciting. I have about 17 months until I can go on a mission, all of which I hope to be full. We'll see where God needs me. For now I'm taking things one day at a time. Which...can be hard to do if you're counting down each one in anticipation for somone's return. 21 days left by the way....

...but that is for another post.

Between Worlds

2010-01-05T17:27:00.000-08:00

My life is going to be remodeled for the next five months, starting next Friday.

I will be living in Ukraine, with a native family, leaving all familiar people and surroundings behind in the United States. I'm going to the other side of the world!

I feel as if I've been awaiting this moment for a long time...oh wait, I have been! Originally this trip was suppose to happen twelve months ago, but it seems God has others plans for me. In fact, I was suppose to be going to Tehuacan Mexico, not Ukraine. He changed that too. I can't say I'm complaining about the location switch- I've never been to Europe and am thrilled at the chance to go. My language skills for that continant are at level zero....

God had so much to teach me this year. Unfortunately my dense skull had to take some pounding before it let these lessons in- but I am stronger for it now. It's been a year of intense emotional and mental growth, which has, honestly, left me feeling like a half-drowned child. So as I sit here, soaking wet and a handfull wiser, life is still running. My departure for Ukraine comes ever closer and I feel my heart clinging desparately to the people who've been my mortal guardian angels, as well as those I love and care for deeply. It seems they carry a piece of my heart and are an integrated part of who I am.

Loving people is a dangerous thing. It brings the most joy, and likewise, the most pain. I never came close to imagining how much pain love can put you through. I'm not only talking about 'romantic' love. I'm talking about love between family, love between friends, love for those you care for, Christ-like love for the strangers around you every day. It's like having a piece of yourself being placed inside someone else to do with as they please. Or taking a piece of someone inside yourself so you can share their sorrows, and joys. Love has opened my eyes to light and brought me more happiness and gratitude then I could possibly deserve.

Love is the most powerful of anything.

I feel like I would be nothing without it.

Okay I guess that tangent was the first lesson I've begun to see this year. Lesson two is trust- trust in our Heavenly Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ. Trust that He knows who I am and cares for me so deeply no mortal mind can comprehend it. Trust that He KNOWS what is going on and how to take care of me and those I hold dear. Trust in His matchless power and wisdom in using it. I know my faith is still so small, but sometime during these hard months God has helped me deepen the roots of my trust in Him. Truely it has felt like my only stability through each day. While I swam through the deep dark waters of trial and experience, He never left me alone or lost sight of me. When my heart was sure I would drown- He never let me sink. The times I thought I was truely alone were the times I refused to open my eyes and look to him for help.

So as I venture across new waters and into strange lands- I hope I might hold onto the knowledge and wisdom I've gained. I suppose, really, those are the only things you can always carry with you.

Magical Christmas Moment

2009-12-11T07:46:00.001-08:00

Beautiful little Christmas happening. Gave me chills. :)

“Last December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations - extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.

“My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six-year-old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.

“So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song. Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer.

“So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title. Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snow caps upon their heads. Those in the front row- center stage - held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."

“The performance was going smoothly until suddenly we noticed her -- a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down --totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The audience of First through Sixth graders snickered at this little one's mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W". Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together.

“A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

"C H R I S T W A S L O V E"

And, I believe, He still is.”

Although I don’t know the author of this story, I feel his or her love for Christ. I sense the beauty of the magical moment when a little girl ‘made a mistake’ and brought so much more to one elementary school program.

2009-11-27T21:59:00.000-08:00

"The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance- and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning." -Oprah

To see you smile...

2009-11-02T11:27:00.001-08:00

"A smile confuses an approaching frown."

Yesterday I realized how much it means to me when someone smiles. Especially when their world is upsidedown and it's all I can do to try and bring a grin to their face. I thought of all those songs that blabber on about how they would do anything to make their sweetheart smile for a moment...I use to never take them seriously. Perhaps I still shouldn't. But perhaps a few of them truely mean what they're singing...maybe that smile does mean the world to them.

"Just to see you smile, I'd do anything that you wanted me to. When all is said and done, I'd never count the cost. It's worth all that's lost. Just to see you smile"

-Tim McGraw

These thoughts occured to me when I was with a dear friend who had a hand on the walls of heck. In one blessed moment something I said brought a smile, and it just made my whole world. I felt like I was willing to spend any time with them focused solely on their happiness. I didn't matter anymore. I believe it when people say the only was to find yourself, is to lose yourself. I've been so focused inward- and honestly, I'm sick of myself! Haha. Though it can also bring unbelievable pain, loving others is worth every tear and doubt. Nothing would work without it. Nothing matters without it.

Something inside our confused human self tells us we have to have the last word, that we have to come up on top, that we have to be right, and that the other person has to know it. It blinds us into thinking we have the right to demand revenge. The right to withold our love. The right to be the best and kick up our dust in everyones face. What a worthless and cruel waste of time! I am as guilty as the next person in letting pride climb above love on my priority list, and it makes me sick. What do we think it's going to give us in the end? A pat on the back? A boost of self worth? More like an empty heart and a mind full of regrets.

Weakness gives into anger. Strength holds onto love. Justice will be served by one who knows it's process only too well. By trying to carry it out ourselves we merely drill scars into our own hearts.

Love is the only thing that can save the world. In fact, it's the only thing that has. May we be quicker to lay down our swords and open our hearts to heal and be healed.

Thought Pathway

2009-09-17T15:39:00.001-07:00

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. . . To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives." ---Thoreau

A chip off my bucket list...

2009-09-16T17:02:00.000-07:00

My adorable cousin Kailee came over tonight and interviewed me for her English project...I was curious when I first heard she wanted to use me, haha, as she didn't say what exactly her project was. Turns out her class just finished reading 'Star Girl' and her assignment was to interview someone 'uniqiue'. Haha! I love my life. I'm the special one...

One of the questions she asked me was what some of my goals/aspirations in life are. I blanked at first, then furiously tried to organize the millions of thoughts hurling themselves onto my stage. Now that I'm done being questioned I decided I wanted to write a few of my 'dreams' down. These aren't the top-of-the-list-serious-live-or-die dreams, just a handful of items on my bucket list.

*Go skydiving (hopefully multiple times)
*Be an EFY couselor
*Serve a full-time LDS mission
*Write a successful novel
*Publish and put into circut my magazine
*Get a pilot's license
*Go up in a hot air balloon
*Be in a legit breakdance crew
*Be a professional photographer
*Own or work on a horse rescue/abused youth therepy ranch
*Be a journalist
*Live in New York above a bakery
*Be fluent in Spanish, ASL, German, Italian, and Chinese
*Be a concert violinist
*Sing on a successful album
*Be an advanced guitar and ukulele player
*Be an amazing juggler
*Drive a race car
*Be in a broadway show
*Be declared a remarkable cook
*Ride an elephant
*Be a professional service dog trainer
*Be EMT certified
*Live on a houseboat...as my house

Ok maybe that was two handfulls.

Inside Out

2009-07-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

I love to dance. Not only am I enthralled while watching it, but I have an unshakable energy inside me that wants so badly to get out through this art. Break dancing especially has always caught my eye. This year I've finally been privileged to learn from some genuine dancers, and I seem to have a knack for it. Practice has fallen nicely into place with my life, and I can see myself continuing for a long time. But I have this problem, well it feels more like someone else has this problem, because it certainly shouldn't be coming from me. The problem happens when I am called to show my stuff...break it out...take the center of the circle. Though I'm dying to free myself into the music and give my all to this passion, I'm stuck inside a bottle of insecurity. Ironic? One of the things I should love and should give purpose to my work, leaves me in a ball on the floor.

Why?

What am I afraid of?

I want so badly to shatter this bottle and just be the same in the spotlight as I am late at night all alone, with the earphones in and letting myself slip into the beat until it becomes a part of me. One moment I feel on top of the world and ready to kick trash, the next I'm shrinking inside and letting my doubts run the show.

I don't like connecting this issue directly with myself. I feel like I'm stuck inside this mind, screaming to be let free, arguing over and over again about who is in control. I know I can do my sets, I know I can do wonderfully, so why the flip do I hide? It doesn't make sense. This isn't who I am. But then again, I'm not the only one with this problem, right?

Perhaps it has something to do with that deep piece of ourselves we don't always wear on the outside. The emotions, passions, aches, desires...that are wrapped up inside of us, to precious to hold out in our hands for people to see. The human race is cruel, who knows if someone will point, grab, crush, laugh at, ignore, or criticize such a sensitive piece of our souls. Perhaps we feel our position on the social ladder is tedious, and by making a mistake or looking 'weird', 'bad', 'funny', etc, puts us down a few steps in someones eyes.

So we hide.

In reality, it doesn't matter what they think. For some reason people feel taller by shoving other people lower. It's backwards. The part victims forget about, is their own power. Someone can only put you down if you let them. You are who you are, not what they say you are.

I know the answers, and yet the inner battle still rages.

Let's put a pin in it

2009-05-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

Name that movie! Hehe. Have you ever been in the mode
where you have fluff going all over the place in your mind but none of it will come out in a comprehensible form? It's horrendously obnoxious. Well that is abotu the point I am at right now, so this will either end up pathetically short or agonizingly long. P.S., lo siento for any spelling errors. There is a whole world out there brimming over with all kinds of people and gazillions of animals and fantastic discoveries and countrys that need saving and you want me to worry about my spelling??

;)

Shoot now I'm restless and don't have the patience to sit here any longer. Poor you. I just wasted a minute of your life! Haha. No it wasn't a waste, here is a tidbit to make it all worth while...

No risk, no success. Know rise, know success.

BOOM! Intense I know. Think about it. I love that. Okay well as for the rest of the brilliance in my mind...it will have to wait. Let's put a pin in it. Boop! We'll come back to it tomorrow when we've thought things through.

Medicine man verses Doctor

2009-05-14T01:44:00.000-07:00

Stairway to Heaven

A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”

~~~

Just thought I'd open the evening...morning...with a little humor. Never a bad way to start a day, right? Hehe. Well I forgot my password and the email I used to open the account for a while, and just barely remembered what they were. So if anyone has been crying in the corner because of my absence, you have my deepest appologies!

So I've had this thing about being a nurse for a little while, and I would still love to learn all the valuable knowledge they posess. But I've been reading into that world lately and a few things bother me. For one, the textbooks you study to take the test have a very similar pattern throughout the chapters. 1-symptoms and diagnosis of the specific disease or aliment. 2-medication and treatment possibilities. 3-what to do when medications fail, primarily, surgery, and possible removal of organs.

I don't have anything against modern medicine; I think it is a great blessing and step forward in mankind. But I also think there are loads of natural remedies and medicines we are leaving behind in the process, ones that are more helpful to the workings of our bodies then some medication. I know many people who study herbs and have had incredible success in helping conditions like fibromialgia, arthritis, insomnia, headaches, skin problems, mild organ disfunctions, etc. I want to study more into the concept of natural medicine. But don't fear! I have no intentions of becoming a fanatic. Being an extremist in supporting either the indian medicine man or the modern doctor isn't going to get me anywhere but a dead end. The path to more understand is in the middle, where the two knowledges combine. Taking the best of both worlds and moving on to more discoveries is what I intend to be a part of.

Inner Battle of Soul verses Body

2009-03-30T00:16:00.000-07:00

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.”

~~~~~~~~

I've found myself often torn between the desires and knowledge of my heart, and the desires of my physical being. My 'body' knows that I want to sleep, I am tired, I need to get on a regular sleep schedule to be happy. While my 'inner self' is raging with restless energy, racing thoughts, impatience, intolerence of taking the time to wind down and rest. Generally these days this inner self of mine has been winning the battle. I'm too stuborn to let myself fix this problem, though the results are spiraling my normal world downhill.

This isn't the first battle I have faced of the sort, it happens all the time. I seem to struggle finidng unity between my conflicting wants. Perhaps I should try yoga.