"The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance- and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning." -Oprah

To see you smile...

"A smile confuses an approaching frown."

Yesterday I realized how much it means to me when someone smiles. Especially when their world is upsidedown and it's all I can do to try and bring a grin to their face. I thought of all those songs that blabber on about how they would do anything to make their sweetheart smile for a moment...I use to never take them seriously. Perhaps I still shouldn't. But perhaps a few of them truely mean what they're singing...maybe that smile does mean the world to them.

"Just to see you smile, I'd do anything that you wanted me to. When all is said and done, I'd never count the cost. It's worth all that's lost. Just to see you smile"

-Tim McGraw

These thoughts occured to me when I was with a dear friend who had a hand on the walls of heck. In one blessed moment something I said brought a smile, and it just made my whole world. I felt like I was willing to spend any time with them focused solely on their happiness. I didn't matter anymore. I believe it when people say the only was to find yourself, is to lose yourself. I've been so focused inward- and honestly, I'm sick of myself! Haha. Though it can also bring unbelievable pain, loving others is worth every tear and doubt. Nothing would work without it. Nothing matters without it.

Something inside our confused human self tells us we have to have the last word, that we have to come up on top, that we have to be right, and that the other person has to know it. It blinds us into thinking we have the right to demand revenge. The right to withold our love. The right to be the best and kick up our dust in everyones face. What a worthless and cruel waste of time! I am as guilty as the next person in letting pride climb above love on my priority list, and it makes me sick. What do we think it's going to give us in the end? A pat on the back? A boost of self worth? More like an empty heart and a mind full of regrets.

Weakness gives into anger. Strength holds onto love. Justice will be served by one who knows it's process only too well. By trying to carry it out ourselves we merely drill scars into our own hearts.

Love is the only thing that can save the world. In fact, it's the only thing that has. May we be quicker to lay down our swords and open our hearts to heal and be healed.

Thought Pathway

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. . . To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives." ---Thoreau

A chip off my bucket list...

My adorable cousin Kailee came over tonight and interviewed me for her English project...I was curious when I first heard she wanted to use me, haha, as she didn't say what exactly her project was. Turns out her class just finished reading 'Star Girl' and her assignment was to interview someone 'uniqiue'. Haha! I love my life. I'm the special one...



One of the questions she asked me was what some of my goals/aspirations in life are. I blanked at first, then furiously tried to organize the millions of thoughts hurling themselves onto my stage. Now that I'm done being questioned I decided I wanted to write a few of my 'dreams' down. These aren't the top-of-the-list-serious-live-or-die dreams, just a handful of items on my bucket list.

*Go skydiving (hopefully multiple times)
*Be an EFY couselor
*Serve a full-time LDS mission
*Write a successful novel
*Publish and put into circut my magazine
*Get a pilot's license
*Go up in a hot air balloon
*Be in a legit breakdance crew
*Be a professional photographer
*Own or work on a horse rescue/abused youth therepy ranch
*Be a journalist
*Live in New York above a bakery
*Be fluent in Spanish, ASL, German, Italian, and Chinese
*Be a concert violinist
*Sing on a successful album
*Be an advanced guitar and ukulele player
*Be an amazing juggler
*Drive a race car
*Be in a broadway show
*Be declared a remarkable cook
*Ride an elephant
*Be a professional service dog trainer
*Be EMT certified
*Live on a houseboat...as my house

Ok maybe that was two handfulls.

Inside Out

I love to dance. Not only am I enthralled while watching it, but I have an unshakable energy inside me that wants so badly to get out through this art. Break dancing especially has always caught my eye. This year I've finally been privileged to learn from some genuine dancers, and I seem to have a knack for it. Practice has fallen nicely into place with my life, and I can see myself continuing for a long time. But I have this problem, well it feels more like someone else has this problem, because it certainly shouldn't be coming from me. The problem happens when I am called to show my stuff...break it out...take the center of the circle. Though I'm dying to free myself into the music and give my all to this passion, I'm stuck inside a bottle of insecurity. Ironic? One of the things I should love and should give purpose to my work, leaves me in a ball on the floor.

Why?

What am I afraid of?

I want so badly to shatter this bottle and just be the same in the spotlight as I am late at night all alone, with the earphones in and letting myself slip into the beat until it becomes a part of me. One moment I feel on top of the world and ready to kick trash, the next I'm shrinking inside and letting my doubts run the show.

I don't like connecting this issue directly with myself. I feel like I'm stuck inside this mind, screaming to be let free, arguing over and over again about who is in control. I know I can do my sets, I know I can do wonderfully, so why the flip do I hide? It doesn't make sense. This isn't who I am. But then again, I'm not the only one with this problem, right?

Perhaps it has something to do with that deep piece of ourselves we don't always wear on the outside. The emotions, passions, aches, desires...that are wrapped up inside of us, to precious to hold out in our hands for people to see. The human race is cruel, who knows if someone will point, grab, crush, laugh at, ignore, or criticize such a sensitive piece of our souls. Perhaps we feel our position on the social ladder is tedious, and by making a mistake or looking 'weird', 'bad', 'funny', etc, puts us down a few steps in someones eyes.

So we hide.

In reality, it doesn't matter what they think. For some reason people feel taller by shoving other people lower. It's backwards. The part victims forget about, is their own power. Someone can only put you down if you let them. You are who you are, not what they say you are.

I know the answers, and yet the inner battle still rages.

Let's put a pin in it

Name that movie! Hehe. Have you ever been in the mode
where you have fluff going all over the place in your mind but none of it will come out in a comprehensible form? It's horrendously obnoxious. Well that is abotu the point I am at right now, so this will either end up pathetically short or agonizingly long. P.S., lo siento for any spelling errors. There is a whole world out there brimming over with all kinds of people and gazillions of animals and fantastic discoveries and countrys that need saving and you want me to worry about my spelling??

;)

Shoot now I'm restless and don't have the patience to sit here any longer. Poor you. I just wasted a minute of your life! Haha. No it wasn't a waste, here is a tidbit to make it all worth while...

No risk, no success. Know rise, know success.

BOOM! Intense I know. Think about it. I love that. Okay well as for the rest of the brilliance in my mind...it will have to wait. Let's put a pin in it. Boop! We'll come back to it tomorrow when we've thought things through.

Medicine man verses Doctor

Stairway to Heaven

A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”



~~~



Just thought I'd open the evening...morning...with a little humor. Never a bad way to start a day, right? Hehe. Well I forgot my password and the email I used to open the account for a while, and just barely remembered what they were. So if anyone has been crying in the corner because of my absence, you have my deepest appologies!



So I've had this thing about being a nurse for a little while, and I would still love to learn all the valuable knowledge they posess. But I've been reading into that world lately and a few things bother me. For one, the textbooks you study to take the test have a very similar pattern throughout the chapters. 1-symptoms and diagnosis of the specific disease or aliment. 2-medication and treatment possibilities. 3-what to do when medications fail, primarily, surgery, and possible removal of organs.



I don't have anything against modern medicine; I think it is a great blessing and step forward in mankind. But I also think there are loads of natural remedies and medicines we are leaving behind in the process, ones that are more helpful to the workings of our bodies then some medication. I know many people who study herbs and have had incredible success in helping conditions like fibromialgia, arthritis, insomnia, headaches, skin problems, mild organ disfunctions, etc. I want to study more into the concept of natural medicine. But don't fear! I have no intentions of becoming a fanatic. Being an extremist in supporting either the indian medicine man or the modern doctor isn't going to get me anywhere but a dead end. The path to more understand is in the middle, where the two knowledges combine. Taking the best of both worlds and moving on to more discoveries is what I intend to be a part of.