Inside Out

I love to dance. Not only am I enthralled while watching it, but I have an unshakable energy inside me that wants so badly to get out through this art. Break dancing especially has always caught my eye. This year I've finally been privileged to learn from some genuine dancers, and I seem to have a knack for it. Practice has fallen nicely into place with my life, and I can see myself continuing for a long time. But I have this problem, well it feels more like someone else has this problem, because it certainly shouldn't be coming from me. The problem happens when I am called to show my stuff...break it out...take the center of the circle. Though I'm dying to free myself into the music and give my all to this passion, I'm stuck inside a bottle of insecurity. Ironic? One of the things I should love and should give purpose to my work, leaves me in a ball on the floor.

Why?

What am I afraid of?

I want so badly to shatter this bottle and just be the same in the spotlight as I am late at night all alone, with the earphones in and letting myself slip into the beat until it becomes a part of me. One moment I feel on top of the world and ready to kick trash, the next I'm shrinking inside and letting my doubts run the show.

I don't like connecting this issue directly with myself. I feel like I'm stuck inside this mind, screaming to be let free, arguing over and over again about who is in control. I know I can do my sets, I know I can do wonderfully, so why the flip do I hide? It doesn't make sense. This isn't who I am. But then again, I'm not the only one with this problem, right?

Perhaps it has something to do with that deep piece of ourselves we don't always wear on the outside. The emotions, passions, aches, desires...that are wrapped up inside of us, to precious to hold out in our hands for people to see. The human race is cruel, who knows if someone will point, grab, crush, laugh at, ignore, or criticize such a sensitive piece of our souls. Perhaps we feel our position on the social ladder is tedious, and by making a mistake or looking 'weird', 'bad', 'funny', etc, puts us down a few steps in someones eyes.

So we hide.

In reality, it doesn't matter what they think. For some reason people feel taller by shoving other people lower. It's backwards. The part victims forget about, is their own power. Someone can only put you down if you let them. You are who you are, not what they say you are.

I know the answers, and yet the inner battle still rages.

Let's put a pin in it

Name that movie! Hehe. Have you ever been in the mode
where you have fluff going all over the place in your mind but none of it will come out in a comprehensible form? It's horrendously obnoxious. Well that is abotu the point I am at right now, so this will either end up pathetically short or agonizingly long. P.S., lo siento for any spelling errors. There is a whole world out there brimming over with all kinds of people and gazillions of animals and fantastic discoveries and countrys that need saving and you want me to worry about my spelling??

;)

Shoot now I'm restless and don't have the patience to sit here any longer. Poor you. I just wasted a minute of your life! Haha. No it wasn't a waste, here is a tidbit to make it all worth while...

No risk, no success. Know rise, know success.

BOOM! Intense I know. Think about it. I love that. Okay well as for the rest of the brilliance in my mind...it will have to wait. Let's put a pin in it. Boop! We'll come back to it tomorrow when we've thought things through.

Medicine man verses Doctor

Stairway to Heaven

A redhead, brunette and blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and on every 5th step He’d tell them a joke. But, they must not laugh or else they couldn’t enter heaven.The brunette went first and started laughing on the 65th step, so she could not enter Heaven.The redhead went next and started laughing on the 320th step, so she could not enter Heaven either.Then, it was the blonde’s turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing.“Why are you laughing?” God asked. “I didn’t tell a joke.”“I know,” the blonde replied. “I just got the first one.”



~~~



Just thought I'd open the evening...morning...with a little humor. Never a bad way to start a day, right? Hehe. Well I forgot my password and the email I used to open the account for a while, and just barely remembered what they were. So if anyone has been crying in the corner because of my absence, you have my deepest appologies!



So I've had this thing about being a nurse for a little while, and I would still love to learn all the valuable knowledge they posess. But I've been reading into that world lately and a few things bother me. For one, the textbooks you study to take the test have a very similar pattern throughout the chapters. 1-symptoms and diagnosis of the specific disease or aliment. 2-medication and treatment possibilities. 3-what to do when medications fail, primarily, surgery, and possible removal of organs.



I don't have anything against modern medicine; I think it is a great blessing and step forward in mankind. But I also think there are loads of natural remedies and medicines we are leaving behind in the process, ones that are more helpful to the workings of our bodies then some medication. I know many people who study herbs and have had incredible success in helping conditions like fibromialgia, arthritis, insomnia, headaches, skin problems, mild organ disfunctions, etc. I want to study more into the concept of natural medicine. But don't fear! I have no intentions of becoming a fanatic. Being an extremist in supporting either the indian medicine man or the modern doctor isn't going to get me anywhere but a dead end. The path to more understand is in the middle, where the two knowledges combine. Taking the best of both worlds and moving on to more discoveries is what I intend to be a part of.

Inner Battle of Soul verses Body

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.”

~~~~~~~~

I've found myself often torn between the desires and knowledge of my heart, and the desires of my physical being. My 'body' knows that I want to sleep, I am tired, I need to get on a regular sleep schedule to be happy. While my 'inner self' is raging with restless energy, racing thoughts, impatience, intolerence of taking the time to wind down and rest. Generally these days this inner self of mine has been winning the battle. I'm too stuborn to let myself fix this problem, though the results are spiraling my normal world downhill.

This isn't the first battle I have faced of the sort, it happens all the time. I seem to struggle finidng unity between my conflicting wants. Perhaps I should try yoga.