People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
And it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end it is between you and God.
It never was between you and them anyway.
-Mother Theresa of Calcutta
Today after church I was laying on my bed wanting to fall into a nice blissful nap and hopefully awake to find all my worries and concerns gone. Well, I was never able to even fall asleep. So I was laying there feeling rather bitter and quite horribly pessimistic about life, when I glanced at a picture of Christ on my wall. It was then the thought popped into my head:
You should read the scriptures.
I was like:
Mrg.
God was like:
No, really. You should read your scriptures.
I was like:
Maybe that's a nice idea...maybe this is just my head (and not God) thinking up good things to occupy my time with...
God was like:
Not likely.
I was like:
But...but....I'm lazy...mrg...
God was like:
.....and?
I was like:
...I should read my scriptures.
Somehow amidst all my pessimism God managed to pull me out of my bed and onto my knees, and then into the scriptures. I am ever so grateful for His patience with me. He is such an incredible father. I was able to find beautiful peace and a calm spirit as I read, and also an invigoration for the gospel and its role in my life. One of the moments that really stuck out to me was when I was in Doctrine and Covenants 20:5-6
"After it was truly manifested unto this first elder (Joseph Smith) that he had received a remission of his sins, he was entangled again in the vanities of the world; But after repenting, and humbling himself sincerely, through faith, God ministered unto him by an holy angel..."
What's this? Joseph Smith making some kind of mistake worth mentioning in this way? I was rather intrigued, and upon looking in the footnotes for further information, I was directing to Joseph Smith History chapter 1, verse 28:
"During the space of time which intervened between the time I had the vision and the year 1823--having been forbidden to join any of the religious sects of the day, and being of very tender years, and persecuted by those who ought to have been my friends and to have treated me kindly, and if they supposed me to be deluded to have endeavored in a proper and affectionate manner to have reclaimed me--I was left to all kinds of temptations; and mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great malignant sins. A disposition to commit such was never in my nature. But I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God as I had been. But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament."
I was touched by this verse, and felt admiration for this man. What an incredible writer, and a beautiful soul. He goes on to say in verse 29:
" In consequence of these things, I often felt condemned for my weakness and imperfections;..."
My heart lifted with a rise of sympathy, and wonder, that this great man felt somewhat the same as I! Next in the same verse he recounts the night Moroni appeared to him three different times. I can't quite explain how this makes me feel, but it restored a certain hope into my soul and mind that I AM OK. Yes, I am full of imperfections and weaknesses, but I want to be good. I am trying to be good. God understands, and waits with arms outstretched to embrace me. He will raise me up beyond what I can be on my own, as long as I endure and turn to Him in faith.
After I felt somewhat satisfied with my study, I dropped again to my knees to pray for some desperately needed wisdom. Some matters in my life are simple beyond my capacity to figure out, and I felt that decisions needed to be made, but I was hesitant to make them. Do you ever have those things you think about, but you wander through the thought process like it was a mine field littered with doubts and fears or scary possibilities that you try not to touch? It can be quite exhausting and often unproductive.
I went outside to breath some fresh air and ponder. I realized that a lot of the emotions I was dealing with that tied me down or clouded my soul, weren't even coming from me. They were coming from other people. A major portion of my stress was being fueled by someone else's worries, someone else's opinion, someone else's anger, etc. I didn't need to hold onto all of that. Because, as Mother Theresa said, it isn't between me and them. I may find worth in the wisdom of others, when God leads me to it, but beyond that, I only need worry about how He feels for me and my life. His perspective is pure and backed by His infinite love for me, and His desire for my success.
Clearing all the other voices from my head left me feeling MUCH lighter, and in turn, much happier. I could hardly believe the blessed relief it brought once I quieted my mind and focused only on myself and my God. I hope it is a lesson I never forget.
