Who Are We Living For

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have,
And it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end it is between you and God.
It never was between you and them anyway.
-Mother Theresa of Calcutta

Today after church I was laying on my bed wanting to fall into a nice blissful nap and hopefully awake to find all my worries and concerns gone. Well, I was never able to even fall asleep. So I was laying there feeling rather bitter and quite horribly pessimistic about life, when I glanced at a picture of Christ on my wall. It was then the thought popped into my head:

You should read the scriptures.

I was like:

Mrg.

God was like:

No, really. You should read your scriptures.

I was like:

Maybe that's a nice idea...maybe this is just my head (and not God) thinking up good things to occupy my time with...

God was like:

Not likely.

I was like:

But...but....I'm lazy...mrg...

God was like:

.....and?

I was like:

...I should read my scriptures.

Somehow amidst all my pessimism God managed to pull me out of my bed and onto my knees, and then into the scriptures. I am ever so grateful for His patience with me. He is such an incredible father. I was able to find beautiful peace and a calm spirit as I read, and also an invigoration for the gospel and its role in my life. One of the moments that really stuck out to me was when I was in Doctrine and Covenants 20:5-6

"After it was truly manifested unto this first elder (Joseph Smith) that he had received a remission of his sins, he was entangled again in the vanities of the world; But after repenting, and humbling himself sincerely, through faith, God ministered unto him by an holy angel..."

What's this? Joseph Smith making some kind of mistake worth mentioning in this way? I was rather intrigued, and upon looking in the footnotes for further information, I was directing to Joseph Smith History chapter 1, verse 28:

"During the space of time which intervened between the time I had the vision and the year 1823--having been forbidden to join any of the religious sects of the day, and being of very tender years, and persecuted by those who ought to have been my friends and to have treated me kindly, and if they supposed me to be deluded to have endeavored in a proper and affectionate manner to have reclaimed me--I was left to all kinds of temptations; and mingling with all kinds of society, I frequently fell into many foolish errors, and displayed the weakness of youth, and the foibles of human nature; which, I am sorry to say, led me into divers temptations, offensive in the sight of God. In making this confession, no one need suppose me guilty of any great malignant sins. A disposition to commit such was never in my nature. But I was guilty of levity, and sometimes associated with jovial company, etc., not consistent with that character which ought to be maintained by one who was called of God as I had been. But this will not seem very strange to any one who recollects my youth, and is acquainted with my native cheery temperament."

I was touched by this verse, and felt admiration for this man. What an incredible writer, and a beautiful soul. He goes on to say in verse 29:

" In consequence of these things, I often felt condemned for my weakness and imperfections;..."

My heart lifted with a rise of sympathy, and wonder, that this great man felt somewhat the same as I! Next in the same verse he recounts the night Moroni appeared to him three different times. I can't quite explain how this makes me feel, but it restored a certain hope into my soul and mind that I AM OK. Yes, I am full of imperfections and weaknesses, but I want to be good. I am trying to be good. God understands, and waits with arms outstretched to embrace me. He will raise me up beyond what I can be on my own, as long as I endure and turn to Him in faith.

After I felt somewhat satisfied with my study, I dropped again to my knees to pray for some desperately needed wisdom. Some matters in my life are simple beyond my capacity to figure out, and I felt that decisions needed to be made, but I was hesitant to make them. Do you ever have those things you think about, but you wander through the thought process like it was a mine field littered with doubts and fears or scary possibilities that you try not to touch? It can be quite exhausting and often unproductive.


I went outside to breath some fresh air and ponder. I realized that a lot of the emotions I was dealing with that tied me down or clouded my soul, weren't even coming from me. They were coming from other people. A major portion of my stress was being fueled by someone else's worries, someone else's opinion, someone else's anger, etc. I didn't need to hold onto all of that. Because, as Mother Theresa said, it isn't between me and them. I may find worth in the wisdom of others, when God leads me to it, but beyond that, I only need worry about how He feels for me and my life. His perspective is pure and backed by His infinite love for me, and His desire for my success.





Clearing all the other voices from my head left me feeling MUCH lighter, and in turn, much happier. I could hardly believe the blessed relief it brought once I quieted my mind and focused only on myself and my God. I hope it is a lesson I never forget.

Bliss List

Bliss List(Things that...%99.9 guarenteed...always make me happy)

• Hug from a loved one
• Porch swings
• Frozen Yogurt
• Baby animals
• Walking barefoot in soft grass
• Seeing the stars
• Hot chocolate
• Back rubs
• Listening to someone playing guitar
• Listening to someone I love singing
• Horses
• Hummingbirds
• Receiving flowers
• Car sunroof's
• Riding motorcycles/scooters
• Riding a waverunner
• Riding in the front of a fast motor boat
• Someone playing with my hair
• Smoothies
• Flying in an airplane
• Seeing cute couples
• Street-dancers
• Saxaphone
• Water fountains
• Trains
• Being outside in the morning
• Warm sunshine
• Pouring rainshowers
• Climbing trees
• Running on impulse
• Roller coasters
• Castles
• Dancing with my man
• Making someone laugh
• Driving through puddles
• Seeing deer
• Seeing buffalos
• Shooting stars
• Blowing dandylions
• Blowing bubbles
• Huge bean bags
• Frisbee
• Chess
• Fresh Fruit

Well there is a good starter list anyway. :)

Summer of Weddings

"Love has no desire but to fulfill itself. To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving."

~Kehlil Gibran

"Love is the only sane and satifactory answer to the problem of human existence."

So it's finally happened. Trevor and Melia were married yesterday morning at the Jordan River Temple for time and all eternity. When they walked out the front doors, both of them were beaming. I haven't been through the temple yet so I was unable to attend the ceremony, but I was close to them throughout the rest of the day, and everything went just beautifully. The weather was hot and sunny with a cool breeze and all the food was divine.

I've had quite a few friends get married or engaged this summer. It seems to be the summer of weddings! So far I'm loving it although it does cause a slight pang of lonliness at times. I am so excited to get married. But I have a couple years left of single life yet to be lived.

My aunt and uncle were the photographers for Trevor's wedding. I would love to do that someday with my hubby. It can be a small family business on the side of whatever else we do.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what happy marriages are made of. I think in the core of each one there is a foundation of friendship and trust that is carved in stone. Romance and all the other factors of a relationship form layers around that core. I think another important element in a happy marriage is willingness to forgive. True forgiveness heals and strengthens and draws people closer together. I love watching children play because most of the time they don't hold a grudge for longer then a few moments, and they are so quick to forgive.

I don't claim to know much about love and marriage and how to find success...but I am trying to learn everything I can so that I might be the best possible companion for someone in my future.

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."

~Barnett Brickner

"In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all."

~Anne Swetchine

Owl City - Vanilla Twilight

You have to watch this with the pictures...adorable. Especially if you're waiting for a boy out there somewhere...

SDNEIRF

Aren't friends just wonderful? Especially those ones whom you know will be the same after long times apart, waiting to pick things back off right where you left them. My brother came home last night and said he'd seen my buddy Gordon at the grocery store...the Gordon who has been gone working in Idaho since before I got back from Ukraine. I was so excited! He let me come over today around noon and we had some catch up time. Felt just like the old days. Friends are beautiful I can't even express how much I appreciate them.

Sadly I can't find any pictures of him and I on this computer. And since my camera got stollen in Ukraine....the LAST week I was there....it's been a bit tricky documenting my life on film. But I am starting to make money at my new job so maybe a camera will come up on the wishlist soon...

I am so excited to find out what other fabulous people I will meet.

"Life is a shipwreck...but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats."

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit." -Albert Schweitzer

Thus is life...or is it?

"Nobody can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."

"If you live life by the books you'll never make history."

If there is one thing I've learned about my life, it is that my life's destiny is not to be prediscovered or mapped out. It would seem that although I set off confidently in one direction with complete determination that I'll make it to the end of a road...I've aquired this rather bad tendency of detours. And, as anyone who knows my mind well enough will tell you, I usually don't find my way back once I detour.

So here I am sitting back in America after a splendid adventure in the Ukraine, trying to peer into what the future holds for me. I was planning on leaving for Moscow in August...but 'fate' has lead me elsewhere. I am doing really well at my new job as a financial planner with Primeria. In fact last week I passed the huge nasty test that will get me a paper saying I'm officially licenced to be doing what I'm doing. Woopdeedo! If all goes well I should be making bank within the next few months, which will open doors for all kinds of possibilities. By the way if anyone ever needs a job I can so hook you up if you give me a shout.

Current major focuses:

*Spiritual development and knowledge

*My family

*MUSIC

*Work

*Organizing my home base (cleaning my room...)

*Eden

*Dancing

*Physical well-being

*Mental well-being

Possibilities for the next few months:

*Ice hockey!

*Volunteering at Courage Reins

*Volunteering at a domestic violence shelter

*Taking Macgyver to hospitals for thereputic work with patients

*Road trip to St. George to see Tarzan the musical

*Road trip to Nauvoo

*Building houses in Mexico

Possibilities for January and onward:

*BYU

*Saudi Arabia (my aunt&uncle live there and I could go teach in a school for a few months and live with them. This is a MAJOR possibility I am VERY interested in pursuing.)

*Africa...

*Equador

*EFY couselor during the summer

*California to take horse lessons with Monty Roberts (the horse whisperer)

The future is exciting. I have about 17 months until I can go on a mission, all of which I hope to be full. We'll see where God needs me. For now I'm taking things one day at a time. Which...can be hard to do if you're counting down each one in anticipation for somone's return. 21 days left by the way....




...but that is for another post.

Between Worlds

My life is going to be remodeled for the next five months, starting next Friday.

I will be living in Ukraine, with a native family, leaving all familiar people and surroundings behind in the United States. I'm going to the other side of the world!

I feel as if I've been awaiting this moment for a long time...oh wait, I have been! Originally this trip was suppose to happen twelve months ago, but it seems God has others plans for me. In fact, I was suppose to be going to Tehuacan Mexico, not Ukraine. He changed that too. I can't say I'm complaining about the location switch- I've never been to Europe and am thrilled at the chance to go. My language skills for that continant are at level zero....

God had so much to teach me this year. Unfortunately my dense skull had to take some pounding before it let these lessons in- but I am stronger for it now. It's been a year of intense emotional and mental growth, which has, honestly, left me feeling like a half-drowned child. So as I sit here, soaking wet and a handfull wiser, life is still running. My departure for Ukraine comes ever closer and I feel my heart clinging desparately to the people who've been my mortal guardian angels, as well as those I love and care for deeply. It seems they carry a piece of my heart and are an integrated part of who I am.

Loving people is a dangerous thing. It brings the most joy, and likewise, the most pain. I never came close to imagining how much pain love can put you through. I'm not only talking about 'romantic' love. I'm talking about love between family, love between friends, love for those you care for, Christ-like love for the strangers around you every day. It's like having a piece of yourself being placed inside someone else to do with as they please. Or taking a piece of someone inside yourself so you can share their sorrows, and joys. Love has opened my eyes to light and brought me more happiness and gratitude then I could possibly deserve.

Love is the most powerful of anything.

I feel like I would be nothing without it.

Okay I guess that tangent was the first lesson I've begun to see this year. Lesson two is trust- trust in our Heavenly Father and in His Son, Jesus Christ. Trust that He knows who I am and cares for me so deeply no mortal mind can comprehend it. Trust that He KNOWS what is going on and how to take care of me and those I hold dear. Trust in His matchless power and wisdom in using it. I know my faith is still so small, but sometime during these hard months God has helped me deepen the roots of my trust in Him. Truely it has felt like my only stability through each day. While I swam through the deep dark waters of trial and experience, He never left me alone or lost sight of me. When my heart was sure I would drown- He never let me sink. The times I thought I was truely alone were the times I refused to open my eyes and look to him for help.

So as I venture across new waters and into strange lands- I hope I might hold onto the knowledge and wisdom I've gained. I suppose, really, those are the only things you can always carry with you.